RANSVESTIA

panionship she deserved. She thought I loved my work and school more than her and the kids.

The frustration mounted and I bought a long line bra to wear into the wee hours to keep myself awake. My wife found the "goodies" stashed away in the closet which did not set very well with her. We survived the crisis and although I didn't have a nervous breakdown, one must have been close.

After most of my course work and language requirements were com- pleted, we moved to an eastern state to do research for a living and for a dissertation. At last we had a reliable good income which enabled us to buy a new home and do a lot of things we had postponed during school. This helped our marital relationship tremendously although my wife was upset with me for wearing (out) her girdle. She knew by then that I had worn her clothes frequently.

Perhaps because the feminine clothes seem to bring me relief and pleasure, I began to buy them more for pleasure only. My older brother who had suffered through extreme hardships at the same time as we, was having ulcer and intestinal problems. I came through our crises without anything worse than guilt feelings for dressing.

My wife found the “goodies" (as she called them) and began to ask questions. I tried to tell her everything I knew about TVism which wasn't much because all the library references inadequately treated the subject. She suggested seeing a psychiatrist but I discarded that because some references said psychiatric treatment was not effective. Both of us were puzzled over the causes of my dressing behavior and had contempt for it. My wife felt that she was an inadequate sex partner, the wearing of feminine clothes substituted for her and that I was losing my mascu- linity. “I married a man, not a woman” was thrown at me several times in periods of anger. One thing emerged from our frank stormy conver- sations secrets had no place in our marriage any longer. I agreed to let her know when I wore the under garments and not to hide them. Everything became above the board in behavior and discussions. The real break came from Dr. Alvarez's article.

After searching for the recommended Raynor book, we ordered it from the publisher and got it about mid November. It was the best source I had read and it gave me an opportunity to reflect upon my ex- periences that paralleled those of other TVs in the book. This removed most of my wife's inhibitions about TVism but she still had some reser- vations.

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